I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
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I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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