My brain says no but my pants say off.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize