I CAN MOONWALK!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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