It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize