I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize