is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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