I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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