so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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