1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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