fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize