I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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