May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You are the jesus of drinking
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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