Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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