apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize