its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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