i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You brought string cheese to the strip club
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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