On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That's when you crack a 10am beer
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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