you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
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My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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