Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize