Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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