if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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