dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize