the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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