Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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