trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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