don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize