We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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