There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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