He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Randomize