My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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