The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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