were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
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So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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