I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
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He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
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You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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