smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
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How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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