when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize