they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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