She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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