3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize