Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize