if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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