Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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