im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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