i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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