She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
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There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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