I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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