yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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