But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
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I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize