my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize