last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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