Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
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You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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